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How to be incredibly unsuccessful at everything cyber security as a Vendor

Part two


The views and items listed may offend or be taken in the wrong light. To those people we apologize. To the rest, we hope it provides food for thought. Please feel free to comment if we missed anything important! Here we go...

As a Vendor:

  • Spend the majority of your funding on marketing and a super flashy UI, not the product itself, and especially not on stability and engineering.

  • Make sure I must have 5 tabs open and use at least 6GB of ram on my browser to use your solution, as it motivates for new equipment.

  • Don’t build and document quality API’s. Your reporting, and your console fits my needs exactly, and no one plans on doing automation, ever.

  • As soon as your customers are used to your platform, change everything! UI, API even the Product name, and do it often, it is exciting having to figure stuff out when I’m in a rush.

  • Make customers and the channel pay for your certified training, and make it super expensive, that way the cost of management and our commitment to your technology is solidified! Oh and please make your channel training really fluffy, we will buy professional services from you later.

  • Make comments like super ROI, Time to value, quick installation, based on your marketing deck and “independent research” not actual customer experiences.

  • Buy drinks, drinks, drinks, and more drinks, at every opportunity and event, the industry is high stress and high pressur